I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
