I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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