I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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