Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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