his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
