Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
