So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
