I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
