piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
