fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
