Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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