Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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