take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
