I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
