Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
