I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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