I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
