sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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