i think i have two assholes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
