I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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