DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
