why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
