Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
