On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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