sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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