paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
