I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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