I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
