omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
