my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
