advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
