She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
