dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
