i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
