i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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