Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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