wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
