Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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