I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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