She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
