Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
