New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
