So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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