Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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