I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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