the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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