At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
