Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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