The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
