we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
