it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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