I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
