We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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