I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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