Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
