It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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