i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
