Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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