pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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