Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
