The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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