have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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