Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
