The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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