I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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