What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have so much sex to catch up on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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