nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
