Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
