Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
