Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
