My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't deserve a penis
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
