I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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