I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
