So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
