You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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