i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this just has baby written all over it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
