if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
