Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was CRYING into my vagina
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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