My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
