All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
