So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize