im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
